What does your hair look like? Is it curly or straight? Do you have long locks, a big fro, a pixie cut, a teenie afro, a buzz cut, or perhaps no hair?
Do you love your hair? Friend, I love my curls. Let me say it again, I L-O-V-E my curls. I have had natural hair for 17 years. Wow! The time has flown. My hair has been a variety of lengths and colors. I have had braids, a relaxer, and extensions throughout my life.
The last 2 years I have worn protective styles because I am one of those ladies that do #allthethings. My schedule is jam packed all day, every day so having a protective style such as crochet or braids has been my go-to. I’m usually running 90 to nothing when my feet hit the ground. Therefore, I prefer ease and convenience when I’m getting ready for the day.
If you have natural hair, big curly hair, or long hair you know that the morning hair care routine can take some time. I have talked to several women who have developed a variety of shortcuts to decrease hairstyling time. I was all about the shortcuts, “hacks” and protective styles until January 2020.
In January, my 4-year old daughter made some statements about her hair that made me sad. Princess has the softest and cutest curls that my mother and I style in different ways. In January my kiddo said she wanted long yellow hair. She said long hair (referring to straight hair) is better. She made several other statements that broke my heart. Of course, I immediately countered her statements of doubt and feelings of lack with positive words, but I didn’t think it was enough.
Prior to January, I thought I was doing a good job showing and telling my daughter that she was kind, smart, and beautiful inside and out. I thought I was doing a good job exposing her to diverse groups of people and entertainment. However, this experience showed me that I wasn’t doing enough. I am a firm believer in empowerment, self-love, self-worth, and fearlessness.
In that moment I knew that my work on self-care, empowerment and self-worth needed to be redirected to my home. I’ve been doing so much for others, that I didn’t realize I was falling short with one of the most important people in my life.
After repeated conversations of encouragement and voicing positive affirmations with my child, I vowed something had to change. If I wanted my child to love her natural curls, then I needed to make the extra effort to style my natural hair and give her more fun hair styles.
If you have heard of Matthew Cherry, you know of his short film “Hair Love” that was developed into a book that is now a New York Times Best Seller. I ordered this book for my child and we read it at least 2-3 times a week. We also have watched several YouTube videos, where I have allowed princess to choose different styles for her hair. I have returned to having natural styles as well. I am not a hair guru by any means, but my stylist that specializes in natural hair is. I have been going to see Ebony and she’s been styling my hair and my child loves the different styles.
My daughter has been commenting on the styles and saying she wants hair like mine or the styles in the “Hair Love” book. Although going to the salon more frequently is time consuming, it is worth it.
For 2020, my goal is to be intentional. Choosing to style my hair in different ways is intentional. I must be an example for my child. If I want her to love herself as she is, then I must outwardly show that I love myself as I am (i.e. my hair).
Self-love and self-worth start at an early age. I know that I must pour positive affirmations and thoughts into my child, just as I pour into my wellness community. If you’re a parent, aunt/uncle, mentor, or friend of a child or young adult ask yourself how do you demonstrate self-love and self-worth. What things do you do and say that show you love yourself and the child as they are?
Your child (mentee, niece/nephew, cousin, friend) needs to love themselves and they look to you for guidance in self-worth. If you’re like me and life is crazy, choose to take the extra time to be intentional with your words, actions, and time. Making the decision to let go of protective styles and bond with my daughter over our hair, has allowed me to be a better parent, a better person, and a better self-love advocate.
