Fall Is for Self-Care

Fall has officially arrived. The weather is changing, and more people are navigating a self-care path. Self-care looks different for each person. Self-care is a practice of taking an action that impacts your overall well-being. Self-care is an act of love towards you. Self-care empowers, uplifts, and restores. Self-care heals.

What actionable steps can you take to implement a daily self-care practice? Maybe, your mind is blank, you’re frozen, and have no idea what you can do. Perhaps you’re thinking, self-care sounds good, but your life commitments do not provide opportunities for self-care. It’s okay friend, you are not alone in these thoughts.

Relax your shoulders from your ears. Take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Try it again, deep inhale and let it go. Repeat these cleansing breaths as many times as you need. Intentional breathwork is self-care.

Most of the readers of my blog are women. But there are some gentlemen who also connect with the words that I share.

Men and women need self-care. Self-care is not gender specific. Self-care is a basic requirement of life to function. If you do not care for yourself, you cannot care for other people. An individual who consistently gives without refilling their storehouse, or their “gas tank” if you will, eventually empties their reserves. When the reserves are empty, the body slows down and a variety of symptoms begin to occur.

If you drive a car and do not put any additional fuel in the tank or if you have an electric, if you don’t charge it, the car won’t start; the car won’t move forward. The same way you put gas in your car or charge your car, you need to fuel yourself.

It is imperative that YOU consistently take care of you. You are important. Your needs and wants are important. On an airplane, the flight attendants say put on your oxygen mask and then help someone. This statement is referring to helping yourself before your children or the older adult sitting next to you.

Think about it, how can you help your child if you can’t breathe? You’re no good to them if you can’t breathe. You can’t take care of them or help them, if you aren’t well.

I’m part of a mom’s group and have shared many times the necessity of caring for self. Mom’s frequently mention feeling guilt and shame around the topic of self-care. There is nothing shameful about being good to yourself. If you’re good to you, you can be great for others.

My friend and former colleague, Geremy Wooten is my 4am self-care partner. For years I had the hardest time waking up early for meditation and movement. During Covid, that finally changed, and I haven’t looked back. Waking up at 4am is my sacred time. I ease into my day with prayer and meditation, followed by some type of movement. These 3 actions set the foundation for my day, my mindset, and my attitude. Whenever I miss my morning ritual, the day is off. My energy is off. Heck even my jovial personality is altered.

Geremy (G) and I join each other for Peloton rides and send each other encouraging words to continue our wellness journey. G is an example that self-care starts at home. He exercises and supports his wife in her health journey. G shows his children that men not only provide financially for their homes but also emotionally. He is currently coaching his daughter in track. Being present for himself gives G the ability to be fully present with his family.

Sharing a little bit of Geremy’s story is just 1 example of self-care. To learn more about G, head over to Instagram and follow him @mindfullywoo.

Friend, you do not have to wake at 4am to take care of yourself. You don’t have to run or cycle to take care of you. But you MUST do something. If you have no clue where to start, below are 10 no cost/low-cost options for self-care this fall.

1.     Sit on your porch or in your favorite location and savor a warm drink.

2.     Take a walk in your neighborhood and notice the changing colors of the leaves.

3.     Sing and/or dance to your favorite music.

4.     Spend 5 minutes journaling.

5.     Bake your favorite fall treat.

6.     15 minutes of mindful movement.

7.     Set and maintain boundaries.

8.     Ask for help.

9.     Take a nap.

10.  Breathe.

Review the list and pick 1 thing to try to complete every day.

Self-care isn’t selfish. Self-care is self-preservation.

Health Is Wealth

2022 has arrived, the world is still crazy, and we are all just trying to keep our heads above water. I’m sure that with the new year, you are inundated with emails, commercials, and social media posts on weight loss, “detoxing,” clean eating, and “new year, new me” statements. Every year thousands of people make resolutions to change or make steps in a new direction.

Instead of resolving to do something, set an intention, or choose a word to guide your year. For 2022 my word of the year is possibility. In September 2021 I embarked on a program called 75 Hard.

My dear friend Nicole, owner of Crumbles by Nicole shared this program with me. Let me tell you about it. 75 Hard is 75 consecutive days of two 45 minute workouts (1 is supposed to be outside), a diet of your choice (I’m not a fan of dieting so I chose a healthy pescatarian nutrition plan), reading 10 pages of a nonfiction book, absence of alcohol consumption, no cheat meals, drink a gallon of water, and take a progress picture.

I chose 75 hard because I was in a “rut” with my nutrition. I was eating KitKats and kettle cooked chips 5 out of 7 days a week, eating unbalanced meals (or not eating), and my blood pressure was elevated (systolic 130s) at 2 separate doctor’s appointments. It was at my second appointment that I said I had to do something. Hypertension is hereditary in my family as it is for many other black and brown people. My parents have high blood pressure and my grandparents had it. At the time of my doctor’s appointment I knew that I could not continue on the salty and sweet path that led to taking antihypertensives. I did not want to take medication, nor did I want the repercussions of prolonged high blood pressure (headache, fatigue, dizziness, kidney disease, etc).

As a healthcare and wellness provider I believe in being an example to my patients and to my yoga students. I knew that I couldn’t out exercise a poor diet and had to take purposeful action for me to be well.

Nicole and I were at a local park walking when she told me about 75 Hard. I researched the program and made the decision to take back control of my life. You’re probably wondering was the program difficult; 1-word answer: yes. Although it was hard, the program was doable. The hardest part was making time for a second workout. After the first month things got easier. I mentally and physically felt better with more clarity and self-awareness. As a bonus I lost 14 pounds and my blood pressure decreased 20 points (now systolic 115). 

I coasted through the holidays and got sick at the first of the year. As I was recovering, I received some news about the healthcare of one my family members. I was informed that my loved one received a new diagnosis which is thought to be related to uncontrolled hypertension. This was confirmation that prioritizing physical and mental health is a requirement. There is nothing worth a decline in your health.

Health is wealth. There is no price one can place on health. I spoke with my family member for about 45 minutes regarding their diagnosis, treatment plan, and non pharmacological options. We discussed mindset and I shared my word of the year; “possibility.” What is possible when you choose to be intentional? How can your life change for the better?

Friend don’t resolve to be healthy, or to lose 20 pounds, or to sleep 8 hours a night. Instead be intentional, be purposeful with your wellness and self-care. Mental, physical, and spiritual health equals wealth.

If you need a little more self-care, a reduction in your stress, and relaxation join me for a livestream 30-minute stretch and restorative yoga class. Self-care, health, and wellness are your birthright. Make time to prioritize your health.

The first stretch, de-stress, and rest class for working women and mothers was on 1/16/2022. I am offering a second class on Sunday, 1/23/2022 at 8:30pm. Let this class be one of the intentional actions you take to improve your wellness. You deserve to have 30 minutes to focus on you.

Show Yourself Grace

What does grace mean? Per Oxford Language, grace is defined as:

1. simple elegance or refinement of movement.

2. courteous goodwill 

We will focus on the second definition, courteous goodwill. What does courteous goodwill look like in your life? How do you show grace to your friends, family, and coworkers?

For me, grace is the process of understanding, forgiving, and showing kindness to someone else. Can you think of a time(s) you have shown grace? I know I can. Here are a couple of examples:

1. A customer in the grocery store whose items are being scanned, remembers they didn’t get milk, as the next customer in line, I say “hey it’s no big deal, go get what you need.” 2. A coworker had to leave work early so, I stayed late to help see patients. In both of these examples I wasn’t bothered, upset, or offended in the slightest…..it’s interesting how easy it is to be understanding for others but not so easy for one’e self.

Are you hard on yourself when you make a mistake or when others are impacted in a not so positive way by your actions or thoughts? I know I am—I am recovering from over analyzing and holding guilt.  Crazy, I know, me the person that tries to help others, also deals with feelings of guilt and shame. So here is the tea: I have a hard time forgiving myself or stopping my analytical brain from breaking down what happened, why it happened, and what I could have done to prevent “it” (insert note to self…Steph you’re human, you’re not perfect—no one is).

Here is an example from last week where I felt guilty. My alarm didn’t go off this past Wednesday morning, so I missed teaching my 5:30am yoga class. I called and emailed my students immediately upon waking up at 5:50am. They were all understanding and didn’t harbor any ill will towards me or my business. I unfortunately sat with the feelings of guilt for several hours while my students had moved past it. I had to repeatedly tell myself, “Steph it’s okay. They understand. The class is over. No one is upset, no one is cancelling their membership based off 1 moment in time. Just set extra alarms for your next class.” I finally let it go as there was nothing I could do to change the past, all I can do is be better in the future.

Now I want you to think of a time when you had difficulty showing yourself courteous goodwill (grace). What happened? How did you feel in the moment? What were other people’s response/reaction? How did you feel after? How long did it take you to release the feelings of guilt or awkwardness?

You have had the opportunity evaluate the situation and the time it took you to release the negative feelings. I want to gift you a few tips to help show yourself grace in the future:

1. Speak kindly to yourself

2. Let it go

3. Celebrate your wins

4. Stop comparing yourself to others

5. Be grateful

6. Take your own advice

7. Forgive yourself

8. Assess, reassess, and adjust your expectations

9. Love yourself

10. Learn from your mistakes

As you start the week and progress through the remainder of 2021, return to this list. Choose either of these tips to help you embrace the idea that you are worthy and deserving of grace.

Let today be Day 1 of you showing yourself grace.

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie

Burnout is Real…..I’m “Retiring” from Academia

Tuesday was the day. After 5 years in higher education, I submitted my letter of resignation to my department chair. I have chosen to “retire” from formal education. I have been considering shifting my energy for about a year. My passion for teaching, leading, guiding, and supporting burns bright. That passion has transitioned to mentoring and encouraging busy professionals and moms who desire to overcome burnout, get unstuck, prioritize their wellness, and achieve their life’s dreams.

Are you an educator or know anyone in education? If you answered yes, you’re aware of the many facets of education. You have to teach, serve, complete continuing education, and participate in scholarly work (research, grants, publication, etc). You also volunteer or get volunteered for organizations, committees, and other jobs. The public doesn’t realize that the job goes beyond teaching.

I know, I didn’t fully comprehend all that was required when I accepted this position. I can say I have loved almost every moment teaching my students. As a clinician and an educator, when I taught coursework in my specialties of neuro, trauma, and critical care it was exciting and rewarding. I was in my element…the place where I thrived. I’m also “in my zone”, when I’m lecturing on research topics that matter to me.

I have received many emails and telephone calls over the years, from students with words of appreciation and acknowledgement of the time commitment and hard work that goes into education. Just this morning a student emailed me with words of thanks for writing a recommendation for a fellowship. This student was accepted for the first round of interviews (super pumped for her). It is these type of moments, that I frequently reflected upon, when considering “retiring” from my academia.

However, the gratitude of my students and my love for teaching were not enough to overcome feelings of burnout. I am constantly preaching and teaching wellness, self-care, and holistic practices. I have given multiple presentations and completed research on burnout. Preventing burnout is one of my passions. You know why? Let me tell you; it’s because I have experienced burnout and it sucks. Burnout leads to depression, anxiety, lack of interest, inability to focus, poor diet, and more. Burnout affects more than your work life. Burnout jacks up your personal life and your overall wellness.

If we have connected in “real life” or on social media, you know how I feel about burnout. There is no job or environment worth your health. I have worked throughout the day and night on course work, emails, research, and scholarly lectures. There came a point where I was receiving calls, emails and text messages well after the workday had ended and on the weekend.

This was affecting my home life. When work affects you as an individual and your family something has to change. It took some time for me to decide and realize that I was ready to transition. I spoke with my husband, my mother, and my therapist before making this informed decision. I desire to live my best life with intention. Friend, you get one life…One opportunity to do the work that you have been called to. You have to live life to its fullest.

There is a scripture that says, “No man knows the hour or day, not the angels of heaven, not the Son, but the Father Alone” (Matthew 24:36). This passage is in reference to God’s return. However, it is also applicable to your life. You nor I, know when our last breath will be. We don’t know how or when we will depart this earthly world. But what you and I do know, is that we will leave here one day.

No one likes to talk about death, but it’s real. Life and time earth side are finite. You deserve to live a holistic, empowered, and fulfilled life while you’re here. And you know what, so do I. God didn’t say it would be easy. Heck, if you have lived a bit, you know it ain’t easy.

Life is hard. But friend, there are many, many, many joyous days and wonderful experiences that you are deserving of. So, I ask you a few questions:

What do you desire? What gives you joy? Are you living life intentionally? Are you fulfilled? Have you found your purpose? What actions have you taken to show up for yourself?

I have found my purpose. I am aligned with God’s will for life and I’m here for it. I’m saying NO to burnout and YES to me. My goal is to Cultivate Yes, every day of my life.

I am “retiring” from formal education at the end of this semester (that’s one yes). Friend, I am so full of joy and excitement about my next. Life in my 30s is getting good. Burnout and fear have no home here.

If you are overworked, overwhelmed, burned out, lack self-care, and trying to balance all the crazy, we are the same. I’m challenging you to look at your life, seriously, put your glasses on and do an assessment of what is important, what needs to change, and how you (YOU) can take action to say no to burnout and yes to you.

Start living life with intention. Start living life on purpose. Start Cultivating Yes. 

Let today be your Day 1.

Mammograms and Breast Exams are Self Care

Hey Friend,

I know it’s been a month; literally a month since my last blog/vlog. I need to do better. I will do better. It’s a daily battle of getting my life as Tamar Braxton would say. My goal is to send you a blog/vlog, tips, and info 3 times a month. I’m steadily working to carve out time to write and share valuable content with you. You will see the growth and commitment I have to you and this platform as I make changes in my personal and professional life.

Just hold on and bear with me over the next 4-6 weeks. If you need daily inspiration, be sure to connect with me on Instagram.  That’s where I post most days of the week and have some pretty good IG stories and live chats.

Okay back to the point. Today’s blog/vlog is about mammograms. Yep, we are talking about the boob smashing assessments that are recommended for the average woman, beginning at age 40. You’re saying, Steph you’re not 40 why are you talking about mammograms. Well friend, let me tell you, last week I had 2 mammograms and an ultrasound.

Breast cancer is not prominent in my family. However, my Midwife felt the need for me to have a mammogram after my last wellness visit, so I went, and had it done. I’ll give you a little history; I had my first mammogram when I was 27 and it sucked. My hubby found a lump in my right breast and it was one of the scariest moments in my life. After serial tests, I was released from follow up with a clear diagnosis…no cancer, no changes in the size of the lesion.

Well here we are, 8 years later with that feeling of uncertainty and fear. My vlog detailed the day of the mammogram and ultrasound. You can view it here. I will say I don’t have cancer (thank God) but I’m back to having repeat diagnostic studies for at least 1 year.

Cancer sucks, uncertainty sucks, but empowering yourself does not. Do your self-breast exams. Go to your doctor’s appointments. If finances or insurance are barriers to obtaining wellness visits, look into free or low rate clinics and into the local health department.

Your physical health matters. Your mental health matters. Self-care is a requirement. If you don’t take care of you, you can’t take care of anyone else.

Hugs and positive thoughts,

Stephanie

Below are a few tips on doing self-breast exams (disclaimer this is not medical advice; always speak with your healthcare provider).

1. Do your self-breast exam on the same day every month.

2. Visually examine your breast for changes, redness, dimpling in the mirror.

3. Repeat the mirror breast exam with your arms raised.

4. Lying down, examine your breast in a circular or up and down pattern. Your right breast is assessed with your left hand and your left breast with your right hand. Cover the entire breast including the nipple. Note any discharge from the nipple.

5. Repeat your breast exam while standing up.

6. Make an appointment with your provider if you note any lumps, changes, nodules, pain, irregularities, etc. in your breast.

A Letter of Gratitude

It is the week of Thanksgiving. We are living, loving, hustling, and working. In all the things, you are being reminded to be grateful. You are being reminded to be appreciative of family, friends, health, your job, etc.

In this time of year where we discuss gratitude and appreciation on a higher level, have you taken a moment to be thankful for you? Have you told yourself good job? Have you stepped back to appreciate you? Most likely, I imagine that you haven’t.  

Yesterday, I wrote myself a letter. Do you know why I wrote it? Probably not. The reason I wrote this letter was to remind myself that I’m doing the work, that I’m valuable, that I matter, and that I’m seen. I wrote this letter in affirmation of the work that I’m doing. I wrote this letter in appreciation of me.

I wrote this letter as a reminder that I don’t need anyone else to validate me. I don’t need anyone else to tell me “good job.” Instead, I (Stephanie Epps) need to validate myself. I need to show myself appreciation and love. Compassion, gratitude, and love start with self. It’s difficult to show someone else compassion, gratitude, or love when you don’t show them to you.

Below is my short letter. After you read it, I invite you to stop and spend 5 minutes to write your own letter of appreciation. You have 5 minutes. You are worth 5 minutes to say thank you, to you.

A letter to myself:

Hey Sis 👑!

I see you: Glowing, Shining, Working, Caring, Teaching, Dreaming, Manifesting, and Showing Up!

You’re a dope soul!

That smile looks so GOOD on you. Your eyes are bright; they are full of light and joy.

All, that hard work you’re doing is paying off. You are impacting people’s lives every day. You are helping people heal, stand in their power, and go after their goals.

Sis, keep up the good work.

Continue. Keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Stay the course.

You got this!

Boundaries, How Many of Us Have Them?

Hey Fam! How are ya’ll doing? I’m A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! Let me say it again in my excited voice: I AM A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! Ya’ll, I feel so free. Utterly free!

Yes, I know I’m crazy blogging. Is crazy blogging a thing? IDK but I feel so good. I have to tell ya’ll why. It’s because of Boundaries. My freedom, peace, and joy are because of the word “NO.” I’m 35 years old and I finally do not feel guilty for telling someone no. Maintaining my boundaries contributes to feeling free and protecting my peace.

Ya’ll know I’m constantly saying protect your peace and stand in your truth. I tell you that because you deserve to speak openly and be at peace with your words and decisions. Over the course of 2020, I have done A LOT of work on my boundaries. I have delved deep into my personal self-study, reflection, and deconstruction of the programming of society.

I have to be truthful. The process was U-G-L-Y. Do ya’ll know that old school cheer? U-G-L-Y, You Ain’t Got No Alibi, You ugly? If you don’t know it, here’s clip of the cheer from the movie, Wildcats.

I know I’m not ugly. My soul, my heart, and my outer being are beautiful. But the process of breaking down the chains of programming, fear, and passivity were ugly.  Ya’ll I have sat in discomfort. I have journaled. I have questioned myself, my choices, and what’s next. The answers I always received were truth. In life we already have the answers. We already know what we need to do, but fear of hurting someone or disappointing others or ourselves keeps us bound. It’s that fear that prevents us from maintaining our boundaries. 

I have been working with Tee Brooks, a sociologist, mindfulness teacher, and transformative wellness coach on my boundaries. This work has been life changing. Just a mere 7 months ago, I was a pushover. I always put everyone else first. I adjusted things to fit others needs rather than my own. I changed my business to accommodate other people.

PSA! PSA! If you’re an entrepreneur don’t do that. Make your business work for you. Be in control. Be a leader.

Let me tell you, I would let people (friends, family, colleagues, etc) have their way at my detriment. Ya’ll don’t be like me. Be better than me.

Yesterday, was a huge step for me. I lost a friend over maintaining my boundaries. You know what? I’m not sad and I’m not angry about it. I actually felt sooooo good about the work I have done for me, that I wrote this blog. I won’t go into the details of what transpired, but I will say that you will lose some friends, family, and other associates over protecting yourself. Know that it will happen, and it will be okay. The people that are for you and who understand boundaries will respect your boundaries and support you. 

Don’t be afraid of saying “NO.” Don’t be afraid of putting your needs first. When you do the deep work, your eyes, your heart, and your spirit will lift. Friend, the feeling of freedom is like no other. I welcome freedom. I invite you to do the deep work that leads to peace and freedom.

You deserve to protect your peace, affirm yourself, and to maintain your boundaries. Learn to say the word “no” without guilt. If you need help with boundaries, contact Tee Brooks. This is not an ad. I only share information, strategies, and products that I actually have experienced the benefits of.

If you’re ready to let go of fear, check out my Empowered Living: Fear Setting program. It was released last week.

I want to leave you with 5 ways to mindfully and peacefully say “NO.”

1. No thank you.

2. I’m not interested.

3. I’m honored but I can’t.

4. My schedule is full.

5. I am not taking on additional responsibilities.

Friend, if you know anyone who can benefit from this blog, make sure to share it with them. #protectyourpeace #maintainyourboundaries #sayno

Do You Need A Personal Sabbatical? Do You Need To Rest?

This summer I took a “mini personal sabbatical”. If you’re not quite sure what a sabbatical is, let me you. In the traditional since, a sabbatical is when a person takes an extended period of time away from work (1 year+) with paid leave (sometimes unpaid).  Sabbatical’s are well known in academia. Tenured professors in large institutions or who complete a lot of research take time away from the university with approval for their leadership.

Here’s the truth: I haven’t worked in academia for 20 years, nor am I published researcher. I’m a clinician and young professor, with ideas and a drive to expand beyond the limits of the classroom, and teach the importance of holistic and collaborative care to my students.

I’ve been teaching a few years now; but as you know, in addition to working in academia, I’m a nurse practitioner, an entrepreneur and most importantly a wife and a mom. I wear a lot of hats; and I do a lot of things. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed managing it all. 

Since I begin teaching, I have worked year-round; I have taught spring, summer, and fall and also worked my NP job year-round. Towards the end of the spring 2020 semester faculty were contacted about teaching in the summer. I initially responded that I was available and willing to teach.

BUT Friend let me tell you……after I hit submit on that e-mail, I felt a heaviness in my spirit. I kept thinking to myself, “Steph you’re doing too much, COVID-19 is rampant, your business has taken a huge hit (negatively), and your husband and daughter need you.” After about 5 days of poor sleep habits and constantly having this conversation with myself, I talked with my spouse and said, “I don’t want to teach this summer, I need a break.” He said he understood, and it was fine with him.

I took another couple of days to think about it and e-mailed my leadership that I wanted to withdraw my ability to teach courses during summer 2020. I didn’t know where I was going to make up my salary, but I knew that God would provide. I knew that I had to protect my peace. I had to advocate for myself, just as I advocate for my patients and my students. Advocating for me, was relaxing, breathing, practicing restorative yoga, diving deep into my meditation practice and self-study.

I took 3 months off from teaching and poured my time and energy into resting, connecting with my husband, and pivoting my business. I was able to work 2-3 days a week at my practice and did not have any concerns about my income.  My spirit was restored; I was able to contribute to my family, and able to support my business.

Are you tired? Are you stressed out? Are you overwhelmed? Do you need to rest? Are you clueless on what it means to rest and restore?

If you answered yes to at least 1 of those questions, it is time to refill your cup. Maybe, you can’t, take a mini personal sabbatical or a long professional sabbatical; but what you can do is learn to relax and restore.

Join me for Resilient Moms: Self-Care Series 

Resilient Moms is a 4 week livestream group relaxation series where you will learn the foundations of deep stretching through yin yoga and learn to rest through restorative yoga and meditation. Now is the time to:

Breathe

Destress &

Relax

Here’s the deal:

You are powerful and resilient. Friend it is time to step into your power and join in this 4-week series where you will focus on your own self-care and have space to breathe.

You will receive weekly guides and access to a private Facebook group for support and encouragement to commit to your self-care journey. If you miss a week don’t worry, you will receive a link with the recorded session.

Dates: Sunday 5PM-6:15PM, 9/6, 9/13, 9/20, 9/27

Investment: $95

Use discount code “resilient” for 20% off this series.

If you’re not a mom but need to rest and restore you can join as well.

You deserve rest. You deserve peace of mind. You deserve to relax. Be A Yes to your own self-care and join me in the practice of rest and resiliency.

You Can't Do Life Alone

2020 has been a beast. I thought 2019 was crazy, but OMG 2020 came in hot and it’s gotten hotter. COVID-19, cultural appropriation, protests, riots, killing of transgender people, loss of jobs, social distancing, quarantine, and the loss of communication and connection with friends and family--are just a few of the things we have all had to manage.

I know that you have been impacted by so much this year. Sadness, anger, grief, and anxiety are just a few words that many people have shared with me regarding how they have felt throughout the year.

I imagine this year has been difficult to navigate emotionally and physically. I have a few questions for you: how are you managing it all? How are you protecting your peace? Have you been able to connect with friends and family from a distance? If you haven’t now is the time. Choose today rather than waiting until tomorrow. Day 1>one day.

I shared with you a few weeks ago that I had a zoom girl’s night with some of my closest friends this summer. It was great. We have a group text feed that has been an essential way we have communicated.

I have been trying to consistently check in via text and telephone with friends and family to let my people know they are not alone. In this season of social distancing, quarantine, and loss it is easy to feel alone and that you have to do it all. I know you are STRONG, CAPABLE, and INDEPENDENT.

But friend remember, you DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL. You can take time to for you. It’s okay to step back and ask for help. Call or text a friend and let them know you need a listening ear or some extra support.

This past week in our Goal Setting Roadmap to Success program we talked about support systems and accountability.  According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a “support system is a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.” A support system for this journey of life is a requirement. Support goes beyond working toward a goal. Support is needed to make it through the trials of life. Support is needed to combat the loneliness of quarantine.

My friend you cannot do life alone. When you are seeking freedom from sadness, guilt, and loss, you need a person or your people.  Although, I am one of the “strong friends” I too feel sad on occasion and need up lifting.

I am so blessed to have people who check on me and send me prayers and positive thoughts. I called a friend of mine this week and just shared with her how I was feeling down. I didn’t need her to do anything but just to be there. And guess what, that’s just what she did. She listened and held space for me. It was cathartic and the perfect reminder that we all need support.

Friend if you haven’t checked in on your people in a while because life is busy, take a moment to send a quick text or call. If you need a little extra support let go of fear, let go of idea of judgement, and let your person know you need them.

Remember you cannot do life alone. We rise by lifting each other up. Know that I’m here for you too. We can chat over tea via zoom or skype if you need.

Sending peace and light during the storm.

Just a few of my people.

A Hard Truth of a Working Mom

Mom life isn’t easy. Yep, I said it. If you’re a mom, you know it’s true. If you’re a stay at home mom, work from home mom, or if you’re a mom working outside the home, you know momming ain’t easy. As a mother you care for your child, your partner (if you have one), your pet (if you have one), your home, and hopefully make sometime for yourself. Unfortunately, the self-care aspect of mom life often doesn’t happen.

I’m going to share something with you. It’s one of my hard truths and I’ve made peace with it. I’m a working mom and sometimes I don’t want to do anything. After I have commuted nearly an hour to work, worked 10-12 hours, and commuted an hour home, I sometimes don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to cook, I don’t want to exercise, I don’t want to clean, or do anything that requires expending energy.

Does anyone else feel this way? I’m sure I’m not alone with these feelings. I imagine that you or another mom you know has felt this way at one point or another. GUESS WHAT!! IT’S OKAY!! These feelings are normal. Do not feel bad for wanting to just chill when you get off work. Don’t feel guilty for wanting some quiet time for yourself. Sis, you deserve it.

If you have been home all day, cooking, cleaning, and teaching your child….you deserve some time for you. If you have been working from home, trying to teach your child, and manage your household, you too deserve to some time to relax. If you have been at work all day, coordinated child pick up/dinner, etc you also deserve some time for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you stay at home, work from, or work outside the home, whichever of these roles apply to you, know that you are important. Know that you worthy of self-care. Know that your feelings and need for time for yourself are valid.  Sis, I’m right there with you and so are thousands of mothers around the world.

 Friend it’s time to drop the feelings of guilt, uncertainty, and anxiety. It’s time to say yes to your own needs. It’s time to say yes to happiness, joy, peace, freedom, and abundance. You deserve these things. You are worthy.

I invite you to take a few moments for yourself throughout the week and love on you. Everyone can’t get massage or go to a spa for self-care, so I’m going to give you 5 things you can do just for you:

1. Once a week take long bath or hot shower, with the door locked and don’t let anyone in (yes friend: no kids, partners, dogs, etc…no one can enter).

2. Get out in nature, even if it’s just a 15-minute walk by yourself or with your bestie.

3. Have a Zoom/Skype/Facetime Girls night.

4. Choose to not do anything for anyone after 5PM (maybe this just happens once a month—give it a try).

5. Read a book or binge watch your favorite tv show.

You may look at this list and say there’s no way I can do all of these things every week. But maybe you can do 1 of them each week or maybe pick 2 items from this list to incorporate into your self-care goals for the month of July.

If you’re in need of some extra relaxation techniques that you can do at home let me know and I’ll give you my free relaxation guide .

I’m sending you big bear hugs and positive thoughts across the miles. If you know me in real life—you know I’m a hugger—yeah hugs are kind of my thing.

I hope you have an amazing week and a joyful second half of 2020.

With Gratitude,

Stephanie

SELF CARE: I Converted My Laundry Room into My Zen Den

Hey Fam!

I’m a wife, working mom, and small business owner. I pour my time and energy into other people every day—my family, my patients, my students, and my yoga clients. When I get home from a long day I want to chill out and do nothing. Sound familiar? Do you also make time for everyone else but don’t have time for you?

 Well fam, let me tell you—in my house everyone has a space to relax and enjoy; princess has a play room (it used to be my reading nook) and my husband has a billiards room. I felt that I didn’t have a space for myself—a place just for me to breathe and be. So, over the last few months I felt the need to design a child free, spouse free area for myself.

The Zen Den has been in my heart and on my mind for a while. I wanted my own oasis of peace; somewhere I could go to chill and relax alone. On Mother’s Day 2020, The Zen Den came to exist.

My Zen Den is a laundry room conversion……well actually the washer and dryer are still in the space but my hubby helped me remove all the clutter and storage, and organize and design the area to fit my needs. The Zen Den isn’t fancy or something off of HGTV, but it is perfect for me.

I have my spin bike set up, ceiling fans, my yoga mat, cushions, blankets, my singing bowls, drum, ukulele, and some of my plant babies in one space. Over the last four weeks I have been able to relax, exercise, and work on growing my small business in the Zen Den. 

I told my husband and daughter that when the door to the Zen Den is closed that no one can enter unless it is an emergency (lol…yep I sure did). This is called self-care and protecting my peace. Friend, you too can tell your family or friends you need space. It is not selfish to put your needs first. It is not selfish to acknowledge that you need to refill your cup. It is not selfish to relax or relish in some alone time.

Once you realize that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s, you can let go of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty regarding your self-care needs. You deserve some time for you. You deserve peace. You deserve rest. You deserve restoration. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

I implore you to find a self-care regimen and release any guilt that arises regarding your needs. You are important. You are worthy. You are deserving. 

Sending virtual hugs,

Stephanie

Demystifying Yoga

Demystifying Yoga

Demystifying Yoga: Yoga Facts or Fiction?

Hey Friend! I’m sure you have read or heard all sorts of things about what yoga is or isn’t. In its simplest definition, yoga means to unite or yoke. There are 8 limbs of yoga. You likely mostly know about the physical postures or meditation. The practice of yoga is much more than moving your body or sitting in stillness. Yoga is a philosophy that is designed to help us be our best selves. This practice unites our mind, body, and spirit.

Today I’m going to give you 5 Statements regarding yoga. I want you to guess if it’s fact or fiction.

1. I must be flexible to do yoga.

FICTION

False! False! False! Friend you do not, I repeat you do not need to be flexible to do yoga. The physical yoga practice can be accessible for everyone. You can use different tools such as blocks, straps (think a belt), and chairs to help make the physical postures more comfortable for your body.

2. Yoga is only for women.

FICTION

False again! Yoga was originally practiced and taught by men. In the US, we see more women than men practicing yoga. However, men need yoga just as much as women.

3. Yoga can improve my health.

FACT

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yoga has been found to improve cardiovascular function, strength, pain, anxiety, depression, and more. Physicians, Advanced Practice Providers, and Physical Therapists often suggest yoga as a health and wellness options for their patients.

4. I have to sit completely still when I meditate.

FICTION

Another falsehood! When you meditate, find a comfortable seat or position and use any props that allow you to maintain your position. You can adjust or scratch an itch if it arises. All you need to do is return to recognizing your breath and focus on being in the moment.

5. Yoga is a religion.

FICTION

You’re probably saying, really? Steph, are you sure it’s not a religion? Yes, I am sure. Yoga does have ancient root and ties to Hinduism, however it is not a religion. Once again, Yoga is not a religion. In actuality, yoga is a philosophy that guides your way of living. The ultimate goal of the practice it to be the best person that you can be from within. Yoga is not about outer worship but exploring the depths of your being.

Let’s tally up your points. How many answers did you get correct?

5 answers correct: You are well informed about yoga

4 answers correct: You know some facts about yoga

3 or less answers correct: You learned a few things after reading this blog.

I appreciate you taking a few minutes to open your mind to learn a few truths about yoga. If you’re interested in joining me for some yoga and wellness tutorials. Head on over to my YouTube page (Professor Epps) and get started on your yoga journey.

Hair Love, Self-Love

What does your hair look like? Is it curly or straight? Do you have long locks, a big fro, a pixie cut, a teenie afro, a buzz cut, or perhaps no hair?

Do you love your hair? Friend, I love my curls. Let me say it again, I L-O-V-E my curls. I have had natural hair for 17 years. Wow! The time has flown. My hair has been a variety of lengths and colors. I have had braids, a relaxer, and extensions throughout my life.

The last 2 years I have worn protective styles because I am one of those ladies that do #allthethings. My schedule is jam packed all day, every day so having a protective style such as crochet or braids has been my go-to. I’m usually running 90 to nothing when my feet hit the ground. Therefore, I prefer ease and convenience when I’m getting ready for the day.

If you have natural hair, big curly hair, or long hair you know that the morning hair care routine can take some time. I have talked to several women who have developed a variety of shortcuts to decrease hairstyling time. I was all about the shortcuts, “hacks” and protective styles until January 2020.

In January, my 4-year old daughter made some statements about her hair that made me sad. Princess has the softest and cutest curls that my mother and I style in different ways. In January my kiddo said she wanted long yellow hair. She said long hair (referring to straight hair) is better. She made several other statements that broke my heart. Of course, I immediately countered her statements of doubt and feelings of lack with positive words, but I didn’t think it was enough.

Prior to January, I thought I was doing a good job showing and telling my daughter that she was kind, smart, and beautiful inside and out. I thought I was doing a good job exposing her to diverse groups of people and entertainment. However, this experience showed me that I wasn’t doing enough. I am a firm believer in empowerment, self-love, self-worth, and fearlessness.

In that moment I knew that my work on self-care, empowerment and self-worth needed to be redirected to my home. I’ve been doing so much for others, that I didn’t realize I was falling short with one of the most important people in my life.

After repeated conversations of encouragement and voicing positive affirmations with my child, I vowed something had to change. If I wanted my child to love her natural curls, then I needed to make the extra effort to style my natural hair and give her more fun hair styles.

If you have heard of Matthew Cherry, you know of his short film “Hair Love” that was developed into a book that is now a New York Times Best Seller. I ordered this book for my child and we read it at least 2-3 times a week. We also have watched several YouTube videos, where I have allowed princess to choose different styles for her hair. I have returned to having natural styles as well. I am not a hair guru by any means, but my stylist that specializes in natural hair is. I have been going to see Ebony and she’s been styling my hair and my child loves the different styles.

My daughter has been commenting on the styles and saying she wants hair like mine or the styles in the “Hair Love” book. Although going to the salon more frequently is time consuming, it is worth it.

For 2020, my goal is to be intentional. Choosing to style my hair in different ways is intentional. I must be an example for my child. If I want her to love herself as she is, then I must outwardly show that I love myself as I am (i.e. my hair).

Self-love and self-worth start at an early age. I know that I must pour positive affirmations and thoughts into my child, just as I pour into my wellness community. If you’re a parent, aunt/uncle, mentor, or friend of a child or young adult ask yourself how do you demonstrate self-love and self-worth. What things do you do and say that show you love yourself and the child as they are?

Your child (mentee, niece/nephew, cousin, friend) needs to love themselves and they look to you for guidance in self-worth. If you’re like me and life is crazy, choose to take the extra time to be intentional with your words, actions, and time. Making the decision to let go of protective styles and bond with my daughter over our hair, has allowed me to be a better parent, a better person, and a better self-love advocate.

Reminder: You Don’t Have to Be Skinny to Practice Yoga

Over the last few weeks I have returned to recording yoga videos and wellness tutorials. I chose to design these videos as a way to help people navigate the practice of yoga and glean knowledge on a holistic approach to wellness. However, I’ve been struggling with watching myself on the videos. Ummmmmmm yeah me, your extroverted, happy go lucky, empowerment, positive speaking, lover of life, encourager of others friend.

I too battle the outward image, the ego, and self-worth based on appearance. I try not to live in the past but it’s hard not to. I was in tiptop shape, physically, mentally, and spiritually before my daughter was born. I think I was most happy with myself up until about 7 months into my pregnancy. My partner and I were in such an amazing place in our marriage, I was working a job I loved (although it wasn’t easy), and I was physically in excellent health. Before pregnancy, I was a lean size 4 with a 4pack, 17% body fat, running marathons, practicing yoga, and spending time with the people I loved most.

After princess was born it was hard to figure out how to balance the increasing responsibilities of work, being a wife and a mom, and exercising. My self-care has been up and down for about 3 years. During that time, I chose to pursue my doctorate and open my yoga studio. Now you’re thinking “what the heck is wrong with you Steph, why would you take on more when you were already overwhelmed.” Friend, I chose to purse my doctorate because I transitioned into higher education and I needed a terminal degree. I opened Indigo Soul because I felt I was led to have a safe place on the southside for a diverse group of people to embrace the practice of yoga as a lifestyle and not just exercise.   

In 2019, I started truly working on me. I am usually the person who pours energy, light, and love into others. This goes for my family, friends, college students, patients, and yoga students. Last year I began to focus on me. I’ve been working from the inside-out and it hasn’t been easy. I have been working out at Orange Theory Fitness and have been focused on my internal and external yoga practice.

I know you all know that yoga surpasses your physical abilities and how you look. This is something I tell my yoga students and friends all the time. Yoga is a philosophical lifestyle that teaches you to be the best person for yourself and for this world. The saying “treat others how you want to be treated” is appropriate for yoga because that’s what it is: truthfulness, non-violence, non-possessiveness, vitality, contentment, purity, self-study, discipline, and devotion to something greater.

Although, I know that yoga doesn’t care about your size or abilities, my personal insecurities came to light with recording the yoga tutorials. This past Saturday I recorded a video explaining high crescent lunge and low lunge. The first thing I said when I saw the first 20 seconds of the video was “oh my arms look huge.” This was followed by, “Where’s my other shirt, I need a long sleeve shirt.” Yes, me, Stephanie, I said those things. Next, I said “okay great my shirt and pants are black; black makes you look slimmer.” My nephew is the coordinator for my studio and he’s a tech guru, so of course he helps me with the videos. Friend, picture this, a 19-year-old male shaking his head and saying, “who told you that” (referring to wearing black). I proceeded to say, “fashion and marketing.” He then says, “you look great and the video was awesome.”

At the time, I wasn’t hearing him, periodt (in my Rickey Thompson voice). His statement went in one ear and out the other. We proceeded to re-record the video (because I was adamant it had to be redone) and I shared it on YouTube and on my studio’s private Facebook group. Over the last 4-5 weeks of recording videos my self-consciousness has come up a few times, but I think this last week was the worst.

I wasn’t going to share all my personal issues regarding my outward appearance with you; but one of my best friends commented on this specific video about how beautiful I looked and that I’m beautiful inside and out. Unbeknownst to her, this comment was the push I need to speak on this topic. As a leader, teacher, healthcare provider and wellness advocate I know that wellness and health are not based on appearance. I know that the practice of yoga is not about my physical being but the deeper work that I am doing.

However, I felt led to share that I, along with many of you deal with self-consciousness related to weight. I choose not to remain in a negative headspace related to my size. Instead I choose to encourage myself to continue my journey of self-care, health, and wellness one day at a time. I’m not skinny but I am strong inside and out. Yes, I can complete advanced asana (yoga poses), but what’s so much more important is that I’m allowing my light to shine through work in my studio and on my job. I have the privilege of helping men and women like you realize that they are worthy, important, and deserve self-care.

Friend, this blog serves as a reminder to you and to me that outward appearance does not determine our worth or ability to change lives. You (we) don’t have to be skinny to do yoga. The real work of yoga is in changing our mindset and attitude towards ourselves and towards others.

As I tell my students, “Do the work.” That’s the only way anything changes. Do the internal work to become your best self.

In a moment of full transparency, here’s the original photo from last weeks video.

Do you practice self-care? I thought I did until I found myself in a sad place.

Do You Practice Self-Care?

Self-care, what does that mean? The terminology self-care and self-love are used frequently. Self-care has become a mainstream topic in wellness and healthcare. Self-care as defined by Merriam-Webster is “care for oneself.” Webster also states self-care is “health care provided by oneself often without the consultation of a medical professional.” Do you have any self-care practices that you weave into your daily activities?

I am a medical professional as well as a wellness advocate but unfortunately, I have found myself running on empty (queue Big Sean’s I Know). I have been pouring from an empty cup. I always tell my patients, my nursing students, and yoga students how important it is to take care of themselves. I always ask what they are doing to destress, to relax, and find some peace of their mind, body, and soul. Somehow, I stopped taking my own advice.

2019 has been a hard year for me. A lot of crappy stuff happened. I usually cope well, but this year not so much. My journaling slowed, my asana and meditation practice slowed, and my cardiovascular routine slowed. I went on a yoga retreat in November, hoping to bounce back but on the way there I received a telephone call with more bad news. I was thinking man when it rains it freaking pours. While I was internally dealing with all of these jacked up things, I didn’t talk about it and didn’t work through it in my usual ways. Instead I continued to do all the things as if nothing was wrong; I finished my doctorate, worked my full time and part-time job, taught 7-10 yoga classes a week, and managed my studio.

In doing all the things and internalizing my problems, I seem to have lost my self-care in the process. I somehow found myself in a place of sadness. I found myself judging myself, being less forgiving of myself, and overall having poor self-worth and self-care. Have you every fallen prey to negative thoughts? Have you ever wanted to inspire and help people but internally you were at a loss for inspiration?

I am now in a place where I must tell myself “Stephanie it’s your time, Steph you are only given one life and you have to live it.” “Steph you are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve all the good things that are to come.” As I repeat my affirmations, I reflect on the small changes I have incorporated now rather than waiting for 2020. If I desire to love me, to choose me, then today is the day to start. One month ago, I joined Orange Theory Fitness, I’ve returned to journaling, meditating, and asana. I’m slowly getting back to me. I’m navigating my way to health and happiness through self-care.

If you struggle with self-worth and self-care below are a 15-self-care practices you can incorporate into your life.

1. Affirmations/Mantras

2. Daily walk without music/cell phone

3. Meditation

4. Take a long bath/shower

5. Therapy/counseling

6. Yoga/meditation

7. Massage

8. Journal

9. Take your full lunch break at work

10. Use your vacation days (even if you are staying home)

11. Practice a full day of rest

12. Embrace stillness and quiet

13. Learn something new

14. Unplug from technology and social media for a day

15. Sleep