Fall Is for Self-Care

Fall has officially arrived. The weather is changing, and more people are navigating a self-care path. Self-care looks different for each person. Self-care is a practice of taking an action that impacts your overall well-being. Self-care is an act of love towards you. Self-care empowers, uplifts, and restores. Self-care heals.

What actionable steps can you take to implement a daily self-care practice? Maybe, your mind is blank, you’re frozen, and have no idea what you can do. Perhaps you’re thinking, self-care sounds good, but your life commitments do not provide opportunities for self-care. It’s okay friend, you are not alone in these thoughts.

Relax your shoulders from your ears. Take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Try it again, deep inhale and let it go. Repeat these cleansing breaths as many times as you need. Intentional breathwork is self-care.

Most of the readers of my blog are women. But there are some gentlemen who also connect with the words that I share.

Men and women need self-care. Self-care is not gender specific. Self-care is a basic requirement of life to function. If you do not care for yourself, you cannot care for other people. An individual who consistently gives without refilling their storehouse, or their “gas tank” if you will, eventually empties their reserves. When the reserves are empty, the body slows down and a variety of symptoms begin to occur.

If you drive a car and do not put any additional fuel in the tank or if you have an electric, if you don’t charge it, the car won’t start; the car won’t move forward. The same way you put gas in your car or charge your car, you need to fuel yourself.

It is imperative that YOU consistently take care of you. You are important. Your needs and wants are important. On an airplane, the flight attendants say put on your oxygen mask and then help someone. This statement is referring to helping yourself before your children or the older adult sitting next to you.

Think about it, how can you help your child if you can’t breathe? You’re no good to them if you can’t breathe. You can’t take care of them or help them, if you aren’t well.

I’m part of a mom’s group and have shared many times the necessity of caring for self. Mom’s frequently mention feeling guilt and shame around the topic of self-care. There is nothing shameful about being good to yourself. If you’re good to you, you can be great for others.

My friend and former colleague, Geremy Wooten is my 4am self-care partner. For years I had the hardest time waking up early for meditation and movement. During Covid, that finally changed, and I haven’t looked back. Waking up at 4am is my sacred time. I ease into my day with prayer and meditation, followed by some type of movement. These 3 actions set the foundation for my day, my mindset, and my attitude. Whenever I miss my morning ritual, the day is off. My energy is off. Heck even my jovial personality is altered.

Geremy (G) and I join each other for Peloton rides and send each other encouraging words to continue our wellness journey. G is an example that self-care starts at home. He exercises and supports his wife in her health journey. G shows his children that men not only provide financially for their homes but also emotionally. He is currently coaching his daughter in track. Being present for himself gives G the ability to be fully present with his family.

Sharing a little bit of Geremy’s story is just 1 example of self-care. To learn more about G, head over to Instagram and follow him @mindfullywoo.

Friend, you do not have to wake at 4am to take care of yourself. You don’t have to run or cycle to take care of you. But you MUST do something. If you have no clue where to start, below are 10 no cost/low-cost options for self-care this fall.

1.     Sit on your porch or in your favorite location and savor a warm drink.

2.     Take a walk in your neighborhood and notice the changing colors of the leaves.

3.     Sing and/or dance to your favorite music.

4.     Spend 5 minutes journaling.

5.     Bake your favorite fall treat.

6.     15 minutes of mindful movement.

7.     Set and maintain boundaries.

8.     Ask for help.

9.     Take a nap.

10.  Breathe.

Review the list and pick 1 thing to try to complete every day.

Self-care isn’t selfish. Self-care is self-preservation.

Declutter Your Life

Clutter is real. Clutter occurs in your home, at work, in relationships, and in your mind. Over the course of 2021 my spouse and I started decluttering and minimizing. If we are Instagram friends, you likely saw my stories and my lives on clutter and chaos.

We are almost 1 week into a new year, and I thought it would be a good idea to share decluttering and the art of minimizing here on my blog.

Clutter is excess stuff or even people that lead to chaos, feelings of overwhelm/anxiety, or limitations. Examples include items in your home or office, the “junk drawer,” owning 30 pairs of jeans but you only wear 3, an attic or garage full of items that you never use, “knickknacks,” and more.

If you aren’t careful clutter can turn to hoarding. Let’s just rebuke the thought of chaos and clutter becoming hoarding. Ain’t nobody got time for hoarding during a pandemic; we are trying to maintain our peace and live our best life, right.

Okay so let’s get back to it. Any object or person that does not add value to your life can be considered clutter. I know, I know, I said people can be clutter. I said it, because it is true. There are people in your life who hold you back, make you feel less than, and are downright discouraging. Friend those are not your people. They are chaos, they are clutter; just like all that stuff in your kitchen junk drawer.  Those people you have to cut ties with and love from a distance.

Last year I had been feeling like I wanted to literally “throw the whole house away.” Crazy, I know, but my family I had so much stuff, that I felt as if I couldn’t breathe and I became anxious looking at everything that we didn’t use but continued taking up space in our home and in my mind.

As I worked through the anxiety of the stuff and wanting to literally “get rid” of my house I told my therapist about what I was going through and she said, “Stephanie what are you going to do about it.” It was then that I took action. I started clearing out my closet. I was holding on to pants and shoes and clothes that I hadn’t worn in 2 or more years. Why was I keeping that stuff? It was a waste of space and I cleared it out. I packaged up clothes, bags, shoes, and books in my closet to give away.

I went through my folded clothes and gave things away. I gave away brand new items with tags still on them. I had no reason to keep them. My thought was, why not bless someone else. There are plenty of people who need these items and I gave them away.

I didn’t have the energy for a yard sale or to place them on Facebook marketplace on Craig’s list. Now if you have time and energy to sell your stuff and make some money go for it. Otherwise give away the quality items and throw away the crap. 

If you are starting your decluttering journey be in integrity. Do not give away or donate something that you would not want to receive yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Off my moral soap box and back at it. After I cleared out my stuff, I went through my kitchen drawers and cabinets, our storage shed, and my daughter’s clothes, toys, and books. With a 5-year old it was little challenging for her to give away her things. We talked about blessing others and I shared with her how when she gives her toys to other children, she is helping them grow and learn and have fun when otherwise the little girls and boys wouldn’t have anything to play or learn with. Explaining it simply made it easier for my daughter to give things away and of course I let her choose what to give away. Allowing your child autonomy, empowers them and sets the groundwork for leadership. 

As I was working through decluttering, I read two books that were beneficial in minimizing and in communicating the benefits of living life rather than accumulating more things. If you’re interested check out “The More Of Less” by Joshua Becker and “The Afrominimalist’s Guide To Living With Less” by Christine Platt.  Over the course of 6 months I repeatedly told my husband I don’t want anything or need anything.

I told my family and friends not to buy me stuff because there wasn’t any object or thing that I needed or wanted. Lived experiences mean more to me than things. It took a little work but as I continued to voice to my husband that we still had too much stuff in our house, he began to see what I meant.

In November, my hubby jumped on board with decluttering. He cleared out his closet first. He then moved to our billiards room, the kitchen, our mud room, his workshop, our pool area, and our attic. In December 2021 we rented a dumpster and literally the house away. We went out of town for the holiday and returned to a spacious home with less stuff and more love.

Friend it feels so nice to have less. Less stuff to clean, dust, and pick up. I have more breathing room. More time to do stuff and more freedom to move.

If you are wanting to declutter and live free here are 5 tips to start.

1. Your journey to decluttering and minimizing is your own. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

2. Start small-what is the least anxiety invoking (junk drawer, hall closet, knickknacks). Small wins lead to consistency with letting things go.

3. Share your why with your significant other or housemates, but don’t push them to join you.

4. If you haven’t used the item in 1 year, let it go.

5. Make keep, sale, trash, and give away piles and limit the keep to a certain number if possible.

I am not a decluttering or minimizing guru by any means. However, I do know what peace, space, and opportunity yields when you let go of what does not serve you.

As you start 2022, let your attention be focused on living and loving rather than holding on to stuff or buying more things.

Why Not You?

 Why Me or Why Not Me? Do you ever ask these questions to yourself?

In my blogs, I like to keep it real. I shoot from the hip. So, here is a little background, I used to be a “Why me, Lord” type of person. I used to think to myself, “I’m a good person, I work hard, I love hard; why does this have to happen to me. Why can’t I catch a break?” Now, I know I’m not the first person and I won’t be the last person to have these thoughts. 

It’s normal. I’m human. You’re human. We have varying emotions.

Through committing to self-study, meditation, and prayer, I have been able to change my thought patterns. Rather than “Why me” when hard things occur, I say “Why not me.” 

Hard times are part of life. Your outlook and attitude determine the impact that difficult circumstances have on your mind, body, and spirit. Your thoughts are powerful. Your words are powerful. What are you speaking quietly to yourself? How can you transition your thoughts from uncertainty or negativity to hope, prosperity, and assuredness?

Are you able to embrace the words, “Why not me?” If you’re a person of faith, when rough patches arise, remember the song, “Trouble don’t last always.” Growing up in the black church, I remember the choir singing this song on Sunday mornings.

Rev. Timothy Wright, had it right when he sang, “He may not come when you want him, but he’s on time. In times of trouble, I found him to be a friend of mine. In time storm clouds rise, he’ll be there. All your burdens, I know the Lord will help you to bear. I’m so glad, trouble don’t last always.”

I didn’t receive or fully process these words until I was a teenager. Now as an adult, the lyrics mean even more. I have seen my share of “trouble.” Friend I’m here to say, that the trouble doesn’t last always. I appreciate the hard times in my career, in my relationships, and with my health. Those hard times have taught me strength, tenacity, and appreciation for every day God gives me. I am so much stronger and wiser for all the “ish” I have experienced.

The trouble has taught me resiliency and to lean on my community. You can’t do life alone….no one can.

If you’re in a hard season, keep the faith. God’s got your back. You are not forgotten.

We all experience a little rain sometime. Remember the sun is going to come out. What is for you is for you.

If you’re looking around and noticing abundance and blessings for others, know that you are deserving of those things as well. Why shouldn’t you be blessed? Why shouldn’t you have abundance? If you do your part, God will do his. The Bible says, Faith without works is dead (James 2:26).

Let go of comparing yourself to your neighbor. Instead cheer for your friend and continue your journey. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Why not you? Trials and triumph are part of the marathon.

Stay the course friend; your triumph is on the horizon.

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie