Declutter Your Life

Clutter is real. Clutter occurs in your home, at work, in relationships, and in your mind. Over the course of 2021 my spouse and I started decluttering and minimizing. If we are Instagram friends, you likely saw my stories and my lives on clutter and chaos.

We are almost 1 week into a new year, and I thought it would be a good idea to share decluttering and the art of minimizing here on my blog.

Clutter is excess stuff or even people that lead to chaos, feelings of overwhelm/anxiety, or limitations. Examples include items in your home or office, the “junk drawer,” owning 30 pairs of jeans but you only wear 3, an attic or garage full of items that you never use, “knickknacks,” and more.

If you aren’t careful clutter can turn to hoarding. Let’s just rebuke the thought of chaos and clutter becoming hoarding. Ain’t nobody got time for hoarding during a pandemic; we are trying to maintain our peace and live our best life, right.

Okay so let’s get back to it. Any object or person that does not add value to your life can be considered clutter. I know, I know, I said people can be clutter. I said it, because it is true. There are people in your life who hold you back, make you feel less than, and are downright discouraging. Friend those are not your people. They are chaos, they are clutter; just like all that stuff in your kitchen junk drawer.  Those people you have to cut ties with and love from a distance.

Last year I had been feeling like I wanted to literally “throw the whole house away.” Crazy, I know, but my family I had so much stuff, that I felt as if I couldn’t breathe and I became anxious looking at everything that we didn’t use but continued taking up space in our home and in my mind.

As I worked through the anxiety of the stuff and wanting to literally “get rid” of my house I told my therapist about what I was going through and she said, “Stephanie what are you going to do about it.” It was then that I took action. I started clearing out my closet. I was holding on to pants and shoes and clothes that I hadn’t worn in 2 or more years. Why was I keeping that stuff? It was a waste of space and I cleared it out. I packaged up clothes, bags, shoes, and books in my closet to give away.

I went through my folded clothes and gave things away. I gave away brand new items with tags still on them. I had no reason to keep them. My thought was, why not bless someone else. There are plenty of people who need these items and I gave them away.

I didn’t have the energy for a yard sale or to place them on Facebook marketplace on Craig’s list. Now if you have time and energy to sell your stuff and make some money go for it. Otherwise give away the quality items and throw away the crap. 

If you are starting your decluttering journey be in integrity. Do not give away or donate something that you would not want to receive yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Off my moral soap box and back at it. After I cleared out my stuff, I went through my kitchen drawers and cabinets, our storage shed, and my daughter’s clothes, toys, and books. With a 5-year old it was little challenging for her to give away her things. We talked about blessing others and I shared with her how when she gives her toys to other children, she is helping them grow and learn and have fun when otherwise the little girls and boys wouldn’t have anything to play or learn with. Explaining it simply made it easier for my daughter to give things away and of course I let her choose what to give away. Allowing your child autonomy, empowers them and sets the groundwork for leadership. 

As I was working through decluttering, I read two books that were beneficial in minimizing and in communicating the benefits of living life rather than accumulating more things. If you’re interested check out “The More Of Less” by Joshua Becker and “The Afrominimalist’s Guide To Living With Less” by Christine Platt.  Over the course of 6 months I repeatedly told my husband I don’t want anything or need anything.

I told my family and friends not to buy me stuff because there wasn’t any object or thing that I needed or wanted. Lived experiences mean more to me than things. It took a little work but as I continued to voice to my husband that we still had too much stuff in our house, he began to see what I meant.

In November, my hubby jumped on board with decluttering. He cleared out his closet first. He then moved to our billiards room, the kitchen, our mud room, his workshop, our pool area, and our attic. In December 2021 we rented a dumpster and literally the house away. We went out of town for the holiday and returned to a spacious home with less stuff and more love.

Friend it feels so nice to have less. Less stuff to clean, dust, and pick up. I have more breathing room. More time to do stuff and more freedom to move.

If you are wanting to declutter and live free here are 5 tips to start.

1. Your journey to decluttering and minimizing is your own. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

2. Start small-what is the least anxiety invoking (junk drawer, hall closet, knickknacks). Small wins lead to consistency with letting things go.

3. Share your why with your significant other or housemates, but don’t push them to join you.

4. If you haven’t used the item in 1 year, let it go.

5. Make keep, sale, trash, and give away piles and limit the keep to a certain number if possible.

I am not a decluttering or minimizing guru by any means. However, I do know what peace, space, and opportunity yields when you let go of what does not serve you.

As you start 2022, let your attention be focused on living and loving rather than holding on to stuff or buying more things.

Why Not You?

 Why Me or Why Not Me? Do you ever ask these questions to yourself?

In my blogs, I like to keep it real. I shoot from the hip. So, here is a little background, I used to be a “Why me, Lord” type of person. I used to think to myself, “I’m a good person, I work hard, I love hard; why does this have to happen to me. Why can’t I catch a break?” Now, I know I’m not the first person and I won’t be the last person to have these thoughts. 

It’s normal. I’m human. You’re human. We have varying emotions.

Through committing to self-study, meditation, and prayer, I have been able to change my thought patterns. Rather than “Why me” when hard things occur, I say “Why not me.” 

Hard times are part of life. Your outlook and attitude determine the impact that difficult circumstances have on your mind, body, and spirit. Your thoughts are powerful. Your words are powerful. What are you speaking quietly to yourself? How can you transition your thoughts from uncertainty or negativity to hope, prosperity, and assuredness?

Are you able to embrace the words, “Why not me?” If you’re a person of faith, when rough patches arise, remember the song, “Trouble don’t last always.” Growing up in the black church, I remember the choir singing this song on Sunday mornings.

Rev. Timothy Wright, had it right when he sang, “He may not come when you want him, but he’s on time. In times of trouble, I found him to be a friend of mine. In time storm clouds rise, he’ll be there. All your burdens, I know the Lord will help you to bear. I’m so glad, trouble don’t last always.”

I didn’t receive or fully process these words until I was a teenager. Now as an adult, the lyrics mean even more. I have seen my share of “trouble.” Friend I’m here to say, that the trouble doesn’t last always. I appreciate the hard times in my career, in my relationships, and with my health. Those hard times have taught me strength, tenacity, and appreciation for every day God gives me. I am so much stronger and wiser for all the “ish” I have experienced.

The trouble has taught me resiliency and to lean on my community. You can’t do life alone….no one can.

If you’re in a hard season, keep the faith. God’s got your back. You are not forgotten.

We all experience a little rain sometime. Remember the sun is going to come out. What is for you is for you.

If you’re looking around and noticing abundance and blessings for others, know that you are deserving of those things as well. Why shouldn’t you be blessed? Why shouldn’t you have abundance? If you do your part, God will do his. The Bible says, Faith without works is dead (James 2:26).

Let go of comparing yourself to your neighbor. Instead cheer for your friend and continue your journey. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Why not you? Trials and triumph are part of the marathon.

Stay the course friend; your triumph is on the horizon.

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie

Show Yourself Grace

What does grace mean? Per Oxford Language, grace is defined as:

1. simple elegance or refinement of movement.

2. courteous goodwill 

We will focus on the second definition, courteous goodwill. What does courteous goodwill look like in your life? How do you show grace to your friends, family, and coworkers?

For me, grace is the process of understanding, forgiving, and showing kindness to someone else. Can you think of a time(s) you have shown grace? I know I can. Here are a couple of examples:

1. A customer in the grocery store whose items are being scanned, remembers they didn’t get milk, as the next customer in line, I say “hey it’s no big deal, go get what you need.” 2. A coworker had to leave work early so, I stayed late to help see patients. In both of these examples I wasn’t bothered, upset, or offended in the slightest…..it’s interesting how easy it is to be understanding for others but not so easy for one’e self.

Are you hard on yourself when you make a mistake or when others are impacted in a not so positive way by your actions or thoughts? I know I am—I am recovering from over analyzing and holding guilt.  Crazy, I know, me the person that tries to help others, also deals with feelings of guilt and shame. So here is the tea: I have a hard time forgiving myself or stopping my analytical brain from breaking down what happened, why it happened, and what I could have done to prevent “it” (insert note to self…Steph you’re human, you’re not perfect—no one is).

Here is an example from last week where I felt guilty. My alarm didn’t go off this past Wednesday morning, so I missed teaching my 5:30am yoga class. I called and emailed my students immediately upon waking up at 5:50am. They were all understanding and didn’t harbor any ill will towards me or my business. I unfortunately sat with the feelings of guilt for several hours while my students had moved past it. I had to repeatedly tell myself, “Steph it’s okay. They understand. The class is over. No one is upset, no one is cancelling their membership based off 1 moment in time. Just set extra alarms for your next class.” I finally let it go as there was nothing I could do to change the past, all I can do is be better in the future.

Now I want you to think of a time when you had difficulty showing yourself courteous goodwill (grace). What happened? How did you feel in the moment? What were other people’s response/reaction? How did you feel after? How long did it take you to release the feelings of guilt or awkwardness?

You have had the opportunity evaluate the situation and the time it took you to release the negative feelings. I want to gift you a few tips to help show yourself grace in the future:

1. Speak kindly to yourself

2. Let it go

3. Celebrate your wins

4. Stop comparing yourself to others

5. Be grateful

6. Take your own advice

7. Forgive yourself

8. Assess, reassess, and adjust your expectations

9. Love yourself

10. Learn from your mistakes

As you start the week and progress through the remainder of 2021, return to this list. Choose either of these tips to help you embrace the idea that you are worthy and deserving of grace.

Let today be Day 1 of you showing yourself grace.

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie

Opportunity Knocks What Will You Do?

Opportunity Knocks What Will You Do?

Each day is a new opportunity; another chance to say yes to what brings you joy. Every day is a gift. What did you do with your gift today?

When you awoke this morning, what was the first action you took? Did you check your e-mail, peruse social media, pray, meditate, or did you say, “thank you Lord for another day”? I imagine that the majority of people scrolled social or checked e-mail. From there you got started with your day: morning care, breakfast/coffee, drop off the kiddos, and head to work.

At some point you logged in or should I say you attempted to log into social media, and nothing would load. How many times did you turn your cell phone or tablet off? Did you reset your device? Or perhaps you deleted the apps and then reinstalled them only to realize you still could not access your favorite content creator or influencers post, story, or reel.

What did you do when you finally accepted that Facebook, Instagram, and Whatsapp were not available? How did you fill your time?

Time is a gift. Time is a blessing. Time is an opportunity.

So today opportunity knocked. Today you had time. Today you had space; you were not distracted by social. Today you didn’t waste time.  

Friend let’s be real, social media is designed to suck you in and have you scrolling for minutes to hours on end, ultimately wasting time, energy, and emotions. Social has been found to negatively affect people’s self-esteem and self-worth. 

But NOT TODAY. Today you didn’t get sucked in. Today you didn’t waste time or energy. Today the filters and social media gurus didn’t have you second guessing who you were. 

I’m going to ask you again, how did you fill your time? What did you do when you couldn’t log onto social media?

My guess is, you were productive, effective, and efficient. My guess is you were present on your job and most importantly with your family. How did it feel to get stuff done? How did it feel to look your coworker and family in the eye and have dynamic and engaging conversation? 

If I was a gambling woman, I would bet $500 on double zero on roulette table that being off social media was nice. You finally had some breathing room. I bet you were super productive. You got your work done, maybe ran some errands, cooked dinner, and had quality time with the people who truly matter to you.

Friend, social media is not real life; it’s only a small glimpse into other people’s lives. Your life—the life you lead off the internet is REAL. Your life is what matters. How you spend your time and how you expend your energy are opportunities.  

Your time is an opportunity to be great, to do the things that you dream of, to live and stop watching other people’s lives. 

I challenge you today to start living. Friend start logging off of social media. Set limitations on how long you access apps that are distractions. 

It is time to dream big, to do the inner work, and take action to capitalize on your opportunities. Time is finite. Opportunities come and go. Don’t miss out on your blessing. Don’t miss out on life while watching someone else’s. 

If I can support or encourage on this journey called life, you know how to reach me: Stephanie@professorepps.com.

Now, Go be great! Day 1 over 1 day. 

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie

Shoot Your Shot

Hey Friend! It’s hump day.  Here is your midweek check in…How are you feeling today? What are you grateful for?

Today you have been granted another opportunity. You woke up with breath, site, and wisdom. You have the knowledge and capability of doing anything you want.

What do you desire? What will you do with the dream that lives in your heart? How will that dream become a reality?

Friend, I receive emails and direct messages from women who say they want to change their lives. After these messages I ask what steps they are taking to reach their goals. The answer is usually nothing, to which I then ask why. There are various reasons or barriers, but I don’t stop at their reason. I dig deeper and ask them the tough questions, the impactful questions that require reflection and work. I then offer suggestions.

I know (yes, I do know) that there is something that you desire to do, somewhere you desire to go, or something you want to change. Imposter syndrome, uncertainty, fear, pride, and many other internal and external factors contribute to why you don’t act. 

Shoot your shot friend. What’s the worst thing that can happen? What will you do if that “thing” does happen? Most likely, you will be no worse off by trying. 

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. You won’t ever know what is possible if you don’t try. Go after those goals. Speak up. Start therapy. Apply for that job. Do what you want. What if the time you take that leap of faith you soar?

I’ll share someone with you. I submitted a proposal to contribute to the Black Girl In Om online publication. It has been 4.5 months and I have not heard anything. It is safe to assume that my proposal was not accepted. Am I upset? No. Am I sad? No. Do I desire to know where I can improve to be considered for the future? Yes.

There is no need for me to be sad or angry. Instead of those feelings, I sit with an open mind and heart to be and do better. Every opportunity is not meant for me. Just like every person or situation is not for you. 

I will let this experience be a catalyst to improve and grow for other opportunities.

If you desire something, go after it. Shoot your shot. You will never know what is possible if you don’t try.

Day 1 over 1 day.

Are You Living Intentionally?

Hey Friend!! I’m back! Bringing you another blog. It’s all about living with intention. Two weeks ago, I let you know that I am living life on purpose and making decisions to change the trajectory of my life. With the plan to live intentionally, I have to show up and do the work. If I tell you to do the work, I have to do the same.  

For the last 5 years I have been saying I want to have fresh flowers at my house. Not a big fancy bouquet from a florist; but a simple bouquet from my local market. This is my second week acting on that desire. When I told my therapist last year that I desired to live with intention and be present, she challenged me to do just that. So, when she and I met a few weeks back, I told her how my resignation discussion went (I’ll give you the deets after my official last day of work). She then asked me what is one word that described my feelings at the time; my word was “joy.” Joy in knowing that I am free to live life on purpose and do the work God has placed in my heart.  

We went on to discuss what brings me joy and I shared with her my love for flowers and how I keep telling myself that I want to have fresh flowers in my home. Her next words were, “what’s stopping you.” I just sat and shook my head. The answer was nothing. Nothing, but the lack of action. If I truly desire to have fresh flowers and if a $8 bouquet of flowers makes me happy, I will take the 1-mile walk or drive to the store and take 5 minutes to design my bouquet. This is being intentional friend.

The last 2 weeks I have chosen to make my flower bouquet. Here is a short video of my DIY flowers. My daughter and I made our flower arrangement the first week and she loved it. I desire for my daughter to live her life free and with intention. In order for my daughter to understand living life with intention and doing what gives her joy, I have to show her that. She will want to emulate me if I live life on purpose. 

Friend I have a few questions for you: What gives you joy? How are you living life with intention? When you wake up in the morning what words comes to mind? Is there anything that you desire to do that you have been putting off? Let today be the day where you choose to start living life on purpose. 

Small things matter; a bouquet of flowers, having a picnic in the park, going for a walk. Do what matters. Do what gives you joy. Live with intention.  

Day 1 over 1 day.

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