Fall Is for Self-Care

Fall has officially arrived. The weather is changing, and more people are navigating a self-care path. Self-care looks different for each person. Self-care is a practice of taking an action that impacts your overall well-being. Self-care is an act of love towards you. Self-care empowers, uplifts, and restores. Self-care heals.

What actionable steps can you take to implement a daily self-care practice? Maybe, your mind is blank, you’re frozen, and have no idea what you can do. Perhaps you’re thinking, self-care sounds good, but your life commitments do not provide opportunities for self-care. It’s okay friend, you are not alone in these thoughts.

Relax your shoulders from your ears. Take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Try it again, deep inhale and let it go. Repeat these cleansing breaths as many times as you need. Intentional breathwork is self-care.

Most of the readers of my blog are women. But there are some gentlemen who also connect with the words that I share.

Men and women need self-care. Self-care is not gender specific. Self-care is a basic requirement of life to function. If you do not care for yourself, you cannot care for other people. An individual who consistently gives without refilling their storehouse, or their “gas tank” if you will, eventually empties their reserves. When the reserves are empty, the body slows down and a variety of symptoms begin to occur.

If you drive a car and do not put any additional fuel in the tank or if you have an electric, if you don’t charge it, the car won’t start; the car won’t move forward. The same way you put gas in your car or charge your car, you need to fuel yourself.

It is imperative that YOU consistently take care of you. You are important. Your needs and wants are important. On an airplane, the flight attendants say put on your oxygen mask and then help someone. This statement is referring to helping yourself before your children or the older adult sitting next to you.

Think about it, how can you help your child if you can’t breathe? You’re no good to them if you can’t breathe. You can’t take care of them or help them, if you aren’t well.

I’m part of a mom’s group and have shared many times the necessity of caring for self. Mom’s frequently mention feeling guilt and shame around the topic of self-care. There is nothing shameful about being good to yourself. If you’re good to you, you can be great for others.

My friend and former colleague, Geremy Wooten is my 4am self-care partner. For years I had the hardest time waking up early for meditation and movement. During Covid, that finally changed, and I haven’t looked back. Waking up at 4am is my sacred time. I ease into my day with prayer and meditation, followed by some type of movement. These 3 actions set the foundation for my day, my mindset, and my attitude. Whenever I miss my morning ritual, the day is off. My energy is off. Heck even my jovial personality is altered.

Geremy (G) and I join each other for Peloton rides and send each other encouraging words to continue our wellness journey. G is an example that self-care starts at home. He exercises and supports his wife in her health journey. G shows his children that men not only provide financially for their homes but also emotionally. He is currently coaching his daughter in track. Being present for himself gives G the ability to be fully present with his family.

Sharing a little bit of Geremy’s story is just 1 example of self-care. To learn more about G, head over to Instagram and follow him @mindfullywoo.

Friend, you do not have to wake at 4am to take care of yourself. You don’t have to run or cycle to take care of you. But you MUST do something. If you have no clue where to start, below are 10 no cost/low-cost options for self-care this fall.

1.     Sit on your porch or in your favorite location and savor a warm drink.

2.     Take a walk in your neighborhood and notice the changing colors of the leaves.

3.     Sing and/or dance to your favorite music.

4.     Spend 5 minutes journaling.

5.     Bake your favorite fall treat.

6.     15 minutes of mindful movement.

7.     Set and maintain boundaries.

8.     Ask for help.

9.     Take a nap.

10.  Breathe.

Review the list and pick 1 thing to try to complete every day.

Self-care isn’t selfish. Self-care is self-preservation.

Health Is Wealth

2022 has arrived, the world is still crazy, and we are all just trying to keep our heads above water. I’m sure that with the new year, you are inundated with emails, commercials, and social media posts on weight loss, “detoxing,” clean eating, and “new year, new me” statements. Every year thousands of people make resolutions to change or make steps in a new direction.

Instead of resolving to do something, set an intention, or choose a word to guide your year. For 2022 my word of the year is possibility. In September 2021 I embarked on a program called 75 Hard.

My dear friend Nicole, owner of Crumbles by Nicole shared this program with me. Let me tell you about it. 75 Hard is 75 consecutive days of two 45 minute workouts (1 is supposed to be outside), a diet of your choice (I’m not a fan of dieting so I chose a healthy pescatarian nutrition plan), reading 10 pages of a nonfiction book, absence of alcohol consumption, no cheat meals, drink a gallon of water, and take a progress picture.

I chose 75 hard because I was in a “rut” with my nutrition. I was eating KitKats and kettle cooked chips 5 out of 7 days a week, eating unbalanced meals (or not eating), and my blood pressure was elevated (systolic 130s) at 2 separate doctor’s appointments. It was at my second appointment that I said I had to do something. Hypertension is hereditary in my family as it is for many other black and brown people. My parents have high blood pressure and my grandparents had it. At the time of my doctor’s appointment I knew that I could not continue on the salty and sweet path that led to taking antihypertensives. I did not want to take medication, nor did I want the repercussions of prolonged high blood pressure (headache, fatigue, dizziness, kidney disease, etc).

As a healthcare and wellness provider I believe in being an example to my patients and to my yoga students. I knew that I couldn’t out exercise a poor diet and had to take purposeful action for me to be well.

Nicole and I were at a local park walking when she told me about 75 Hard. I researched the program and made the decision to take back control of my life. You’re probably wondering was the program difficult; 1-word answer: yes. Although it was hard, the program was doable. The hardest part was making time for a second workout. After the first month things got easier. I mentally and physically felt better with more clarity and self-awareness. As a bonus I lost 14 pounds and my blood pressure decreased 20 points (now systolic 115). 

I coasted through the holidays and got sick at the first of the year. As I was recovering, I received some news about the healthcare of one my family members. I was informed that my loved one received a new diagnosis which is thought to be related to uncontrolled hypertension. This was confirmation that prioritizing physical and mental health is a requirement. There is nothing worth a decline in your health.

Health is wealth. There is no price one can place on health. I spoke with my family member for about 45 minutes regarding their diagnosis, treatment plan, and non pharmacological options. We discussed mindset and I shared my word of the year; “possibility.” What is possible when you choose to be intentional? How can your life change for the better?

Friend don’t resolve to be healthy, or to lose 20 pounds, or to sleep 8 hours a night. Instead be intentional, be purposeful with your wellness and self-care. Mental, physical, and spiritual health equals wealth.

If you need a little more self-care, a reduction in your stress, and relaxation join me for a livestream 30-minute stretch and restorative yoga class. Self-care, health, and wellness are your birthright. Make time to prioritize your health.

The first stretch, de-stress, and rest class for working women and mothers was on 1/16/2022. I am offering a second class on Sunday, 1/23/2022 at 8:30pm. Let this class be one of the intentional actions you take to improve your wellness. You deserve to have 30 minutes to focus on you.

Show Yourself Grace

What does grace mean? Per Oxford Language, grace is defined as:

1. simple elegance or refinement of movement.

2. courteous goodwill 

We will focus on the second definition, courteous goodwill. What does courteous goodwill look like in your life? How do you show grace to your friends, family, and coworkers?

For me, grace is the process of understanding, forgiving, and showing kindness to someone else. Can you think of a time(s) you have shown grace? I know I can. Here are a couple of examples:

1. A customer in the grocery store whose items are being scanned, remembers they didn’t get milk, as the next customer in line, I say “hey it’s no big deal, go get what you need.” 2. A coworker had to leave work early so, I stayed late to help see patients. In both of these examples I wasn’t bothered, upset, or offended in the slightest…..it’s interesting how easy it is to be understanding for others but not so easy for one’e self.

Are you hard on yourself when you make a mistake or when others are impacted in a not so positive way by your actions or thoughts? I know I am—I am recovering from over analyzing and holding guilt.  Crazy, I know, me the person that tries to help others, also deals with feelings of guilt and shame. So here is the tea: I have a hard time forgiving myself or stopping my analytical brain from breaking down what happened, why it happened, and what I could have done to prevent “it” (insert note to self…Steph you’re human, you’re not perfect—no one is).

Here is an example from last week where I felt guilty. My alarm didn’t go off this past Wednesday morning, so I missed teaching my 5:30am yoga class. I called and emailed my students immediately upon waking up at 5:50am. They were all understanding and didn’t harbor any ill will towards me or my business. I unfortunately sat with the feelings of guilt for several hours while my students had moved past it. I had to repeatedly tell myself, “Steph it’s okay. They understand. The class is over. No one is upset, no one is cancelling their membership based off 1 moment in time. Just set extra alarms for your next class.” I finally let it go as there was nothing I could do to change the past, all I can do is be better in the future.

Now I want you to think of a time when you had difficulty showing yourself courteous goodwill (grace). What happened? How did you feel in the moment? What were other people’s response/reaction? How did you feel after? How long did it take you to release the feelings of guilt or awkwardness?

You have had the opportunity evaluate the situation and the time it took you to release the negative feelings. I want to gift you a few tips to help show yourself grace in the future:

1. Speak kindly to yourself

2. Let it go

3. Celebrate your wins

4. Stop comparing yourself to others

5. Be grateful

6. Take your own advice

7. Forgive yourself

8. Assess, reassess, and adjust your expectations

9. Love yourself

10. Learn from your mistakes

As you start the week and progress through the remainder of 2021, return to this list. Choose either of these tips to help you embrace the idea that you are worthy and deserving of grace.

Let today be Day 1 of you showing yourself grace.

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie

A Letter of Gratitude

It is the week of Thanksgiving. We are living, loving, hustling, and working. In all the things, you are being reminded to be grateful. You are being reminded to be appreciative of family, friends, health, your job, etc.

In this time of year where we discuss gratitude and appreciation on a higher level, have you taken a moment to be thankful for you? Have you told yourself good job? Have you stepped back to appreciate you? Most likely, I imagine that you haven’t.  

Yesterday, I wrote myself a letter. Do you know why I wrote it? Probably not. The reason I wrote this letter was to remind myself that I’m doing the work, that I’m valuable, that I matter, and that I’m seen. I wrote this letter in affirmation of the work that I’m doing. I wrote this letter in appreciation of me.

I wrote this letter as a reminder that I don’t need anyone else to validate me. I don’t need anyone else to tell me “good job.” Instead, I (Stephanie Epps) need to validate myself. I need to show myself appreciation and love. Compassion, gratitude, and love start with self. It’s difficult to show someone else compassion, gratitude, or love when you don’t show them to you.

Below is my short letter. After you read it, I invite you to stop and spend 5 minutes to write your own letter of appreciation. You have 5 minutes. You are worth 5 minutes to say thank you, to you.

A letter to myself:

Hey Sis 👑!

I see you: Glowing, Shining, Working, Caring, Teaching, Dreaming, Manifesting, and Showing Up!

You’re a dope soul!

That smile looks so GOOD on you. Your eyes are bright; they are full of light and joy.

All, that hard work you’re doing is paying off. You are impacting people’s lives every day. You are helping people heal, stand in their power, and go after their goals.

Sis, keep up the good work.

Continue. Keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Stay the course.

You got this!

You Can't Do Life Alone

2020 has been a beast. I thought 2019 was crazy, but OMG 2020 came in hot and it’s gotten hotter. COVID-19, cultural appropriation, protests, riots, killing of transgender people, loss of jobs, social distancing, quarantine, and the loss of communication and connection with friends and family--are just a few of the things we have all had to manage.

I know that you have been impacted by so much this year. Sadness, anger, grief, and anxiety are just a few words that many people have shared with me regarding how they have felt throughout the year.

I imagine this year has been difficult to navigate emotionally and physically. I have a few questions for you: how are you managing it all? How are you protecting your peace? Have you been able to connect with friends and family from a distance? If you haven’t now is the time. Choose today rather than waiting until tomorrow. Day 1>one day.

I shared with you a few weeks ago that I had a zoom girl’s night with some of my closest friends this summer. It was great. We have a group text feed that has been an essential way we have communicated.

I have been trying to consistently check in via text and telephone with friends and family to let my people know they are not alone. In this season of social distancing, quarantine, and loss it is easy to feel alone and that you have to do it all. I know you are STRONG, CAPABLE, and INDEPENDENT.

But friend remember, you DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL. You can take time to for you. It’s okay to step back and ask for help. Call or text a friend and let them know you need a listening ear or some extra support.

This past week in our Goal Setting Roadmap to Success program we talked about support systems and accountability.  According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a “support system is a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.” A support system for this journey of life is a requirement. Support goes beyond working toward a goal. Support is needed to make it through the trials of life. Support is needed to combat the loneliness of quarantine.

My friend you cannot do life alone. When you are seeking freedom from sadness, guilt, and loss, you need a person or your people.  Although, I am one of the “strong friends” I too feel sad on occasion and need up lifting.

I am so blessed to have people who check on me and send me prayers and positive thoughts. I called a friend of mine this week and just shared with her how I was feeling down. I didn’t need her to do anything but just to be there. And guess what, that’s just what she did. She listened and held space for me. It was cathartic and the perfect reminder that we all need support.

Friend if you haven’t checked in on your people in a while because life is busy, take a moment to send a quick text or call. If you need a little extra support let go of fear, let go of idea of judgement, and let your person know you need them.

Remember you cannot do life alone. We rise by lifting each other up. Know that I’m here for you too. We can chat over tea via zoom or skype if you need.

Sending peace and light during the storm.

Just a few of my people.

A Hard Truth of a Working Mom

Mom life isn’t easy. Yep, I said it. If you’re a mom, you know it’s true. If you’re a stay at home mom, work from home mom, or if you’re a mom working outside the home, you know momming ain’t easy. As a mother you care for your child, your partner (if you have one), your pet (if you have one), your home, and hopefully make sometime for yourself. Unfortunately, the self-care aspect of mom life often doesn’t happen.

I’m going to share something with you. It’s one of my hard truths and I’ve made peace with it. I’m a working mom and sometimes I don’t want to do anything. After I have commuted nearly an hour to work, worked 10-12 hours, and commuted an hour home, I sometimes don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to cook, I don’t want to exercise, I don’t want to clean, or do anything that requires expending energy.

Does anyone else feel this way? I’m sure I’m not alone with these feelings. I imagine that you or another mom you know has felt this way at one point or another. GUESS WHAT!! IT’S OKAY!! These feelings are normal. Do not feel bad for wanting to just chill when you get off work. Don’t feel guilty for wanting some quiet time for yourself. Sis, you deserve it.

If you have been home all day, cooking, cleaning, and teaching your child….you deserve some time for you. If you have been working from home, trying to teach your child, and manage your household, you too deserve to some time to relax. If you have been at work all day, coordinated child pick up/dinner, etc you also deserve some time for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you stay at home, work from, or work outside the home, whichever of these roles apply to you, know that you are important. Know that you worthy of self-care. Know that your feelings and need for time for yourself are valid.  Sis, I’m right there with you and so are thousands of mothers around the world.

 Friend it’s time to drop the feelings of guilt, uncertainty, and anxiety. It’s time to say yes to your own needs. It’s time to say yes to happiness, joy, peace, freedom, and abundance. You deserve these things. You are worthy.

I invite you to take a few moments for yourself throughout the week and love on you. Everyone can’t get massage or go to a spa for self-care, so I’m going to give you 5 things you can do just for you:

1. Once a week take long bath or hot shower, with the door locked and don’t let anyone in (yes friend: no kids, partners, dogs, etc…no one can enter).

2. Get out in nature, even if it’s just a 15-minute walk by yourself or with your bestie.

3. Have a Zoom/Skype/Facetime Girls night.

4. Choose to not do anything for anyone after 5PM (maybe this just happens once a month—give it a try).

5. Read a book or binge watch your favorite tv show.

You may look at this list and say there’s no way I can do all of these things every week. But maybe you can do 1 of them each week or maybe pick 2 items from this list to incorporate into your self-care goals for the month of July.

If you’re in need of some extra relaxation techniques that you can do at home let me know and I’ll give you my free relaxation guide .

I’m sending you big bear hugs and positive thoughts across the miles. If you know me in real life—you know I’m a hugger—yeah hugs are kind of my thing.

I hope you have an amazing week and a joyful second half of 2020.

With Gratitude,

Stephanie

Hair Love, Self-Love

What does your hair look like? Is it curly or straight? Do you have long locks, a big fro, a pixie cut, a teenie afro, a buzz cut, or perhaps no hair?

Do you love your hair? Friend, I love my curls. Let me say it again, I L-O-V-E my curls. I have had natural hair for 17 years. Wow! The time has flown. My hair has been a variety of lengths and colors. I have had braids, a relaxer, and extensions throughout my life.

The last 2 years I have worn protective styles because I am one of those ladies that do #allthethings. My schedule is jam packed all day, every day so having a protective style such as crochet or braids has been my go-to. I’m usually running 90 to nothing when my feet hit the ground. Therefore, I prefer ease and convenience when I’m getting ready for the day.

If you have natural hair, big curly hair, or long hair you know that the morning hair care routine can take some time. I have talked to several women who have developed a variety of shortcuts to decrease hairstyling time. I was all about the shortcuts, “hacks” and protective styles until January 2020.

In January, my 4-year old daughter made some statements about her hair that made me sad. Princess has the softest and cutest curls that my mother and I style in different ways. In January my kiddo said she wanted long yellow hair. She said long hair (referring to straight hair) is better. She made several other statements that broke my heart. Of course, I immediately countered her statements of doubt and feelings of lack with positive words, but I didn’t think it was enough.

Prior to January, I thought I was doing a good job showing and telling my daughter that she was kind, smart, and beautiful inside and out. I thought I was doing a good job exposing her to diverse groups of people and entertainment. However, this experience showed me that I wasn’t doing enough. I am a firm believer in empowerment, self-love, self-worth, and fearlessness.

In that moment I knew that my work on self-care, empowerment and self-worth needed to be redirected to my home. I’ve been doing so much for others, that I didn’t realize I was falling short with one of the most important people in my life.

After repeated conversations of encouragement and voicing positive affirmations with my child, I vowed something had to change. If I wanted my child to love her natural curls, then I needed to make the extra effort to style my natural hair and give her more fun hair styles.

If you have heard of Matthew Cherry, you know of his short film “Hair Love” that was developed into a book that is now a New York Times Best Seller. I ordered this book for my child and we read it at least 2-3 times a week. We also have watched several YouTube videos, where I have allowed princess to choose different styles for her hair. I have returned to having natural styles as well. I am not a hair guru by any means, but my stylist that specializes in natural hair is. I have been going to see Ebony and she’s been styling my hair and my child loves the different styles.

My daughter has been commenting on the styles and saying she wants hair like mine or the styles in the “Hair Love” book. Although going to the salon more frequently is time consuming, it is worth it.

For 2020, my goal is to be intentional. Choosing to style my hair in different ways is intentional. I must be an example for my child. If I want her to love herself as she is, then I must outwardly show that I love myself as I am (i.e. my hair).

Self-love and self-worth start at an early age. I know that I must pour positive affirmations and thoughts into my child, just as I pour into my wellness community. If you’re a parent, aunt/uncle, mentor, or friend of a child or young adult ask yourself how do you demonstrate self-love and self-worth. What things do you do and say that show you love yourself and the child as they are?

Your child (mentee, niece/nephew, cousin, friend) needs to love themselves and they look to you for guidance in self-worth. If you’re like me and life is crazy, choose to take the extra time to be intentional with your words, actions, and time. Making the decision to let go of protective styles and bond with my daughter over our hair, has allowed me to be a better parent, a better person, and a better self-love advocate.